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Perception's Illusion

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Thursday, July 29th, 2004
12:15 am - OOC: ~ nerp chicka~
Everyone else is doing it, so why don't we?Collapse )

current mood: horny

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
11:20 pm - Memory's Illusion
The belief that all that is. Is. Is an illusion.

Time is a convenient device to prevent everything from happening at once.

Distance is a way to explain perceived separation of connection.

The future has happened. The past has yet to come. The present is an illusion.

A projection upon the gaze of a creature unable to understand itself.



But I cannot see what you see.

We have seen what can happen when this happens.


None was meant to see what I see.

This is why I was born.



What does this make me?


That of me that knows. But cannot see.


What does that make you?


That of me that sees. And does not wish to know.


I know you are keeping things from me, things that I would consider to be very important. I hope that someday you will be able to tell me. Or that I will at least be able to understand, so that you can tell me. There are times that I feel like I'm being pulled around by forces beyond my control. Acting. Reacting. With no real control over where I end up.


That is called the human condition, Toka Miyashita.

current mood: indescribable

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11:18 pm - OOC: Changes?

Once again, the tenor of this journal is going to change...

I withdrew from VL and went back to ground, as it were, on Black Gate.

What does this mean?

It means the woman who is two yet one is back in the Shadowlands.


current mood: busy

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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
4:17 pm - Dreams...
It came again last night.

The first time I've remembered the dream since this scar of mine was still fresh. I've always known I dreamed it, but the images were fading from my mind before I was fully awake.

I can see the Demon World as vividly as if I were looking out the window of my suite in the old days, when my soul was as black as the armor I've reclaimed. I can see the elite guards of my Love, stretching out across the Baileys of the Keep. Preparing to move out on a march against ...

Things are a blur there.

I can see his face, behind the mask.

A face that still makes me feel weak.

I can see a whirlwind tour of Dream Land as his Angel of Death, armed with a crystal that had dominion over a large potion of the world's Chi to drive me onwards and embued knowledge of the darkest sorceries to make me unstoppable.

And then there was the blade.

Shining as a mirror.

Fell as the blackest night.

Stained in red up past my elbows and loving it...

And then I woke up, curled up by the dying embers of a campfire, locked in the black plates of that armor he gave me.. and for a moment I have to reassure myself that my old self is truly dead.

..There's work to do. Not to slay her, but to avenge her honor.

current mood: blank

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Thursday, February 5th, 2004
11:14 am - Unexpected..
I hadn't expected to meet her when I came here.

...I thought, more than anyone else, she'd have wanted to keep hold of a normal life... I have to admit, I was kinda missing her... but..

....It's nice to have her around.... but I wish that she didn't jump into the same sort of life I have. I do what I do because there's not much of anything left for me back home anymore.

Serve the queen...

...or go home and try to explain to my parents where I've been for...

No. It's just not worth it.

I can't help but admit I'm curious to see what sort of people she's thrown in with here. She always was the sort to land on her feet.

I was more the sort to land on my face... ^^;;

It's good to have her around again.

current mood: moody

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Monday, February 2nd, 2004
7:42 pm - [OOC] Meh..
SNAFU

Gonna have to reapp due to various things, I'm talking with the admin in question if I can catch him this evening...

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6:41 am - [OOC] Updates..
Well. I've been gone from Black Gate for quite a while now.. and I still have this LJ. So I'm probably going to be converting it over to a new IC jounral for a different character on a different game. So. New 'user info' new color scheme and new images will be on the way eventually. ..

.. When I'm not dog tired and beign kept alive by the POWER of Coffee. z.z

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Saturday, September 20th, 2003
3:46 pm - Reflection
My throat hurts.

I never really had time to think about it before, being pulled along by whatever inertia Boogiepop had found. It feels raw, like I've been screaming for a long, long time.

My skin hurts too.

My gods. I'm sunburned in places I thought I was clothed. And scratched up too.

I can't remember what the circumstances were behind her replacing my school uniform with this dress. She doesn't tell me everything, typically only the things that require my worry or concern. Like Nagi. Why won't you tell me more about what's wrong with Nagi? I don't understand what you mean by threads. I never have.

I wanna take a bath so bad I could scream. But I don't know if there's any water to spare right now. And I feel stupid asking.

And there's the blonde guy with the dot on his head Nagi told me to avoid.

What kind of situation has she gotten me into this time? ^_^;;

The broth was nice.

But I'm feeling droopy again.

It's the middle of the night. I just woke up. And I wanna sleep again.

And I feel like a fried egg.

current mood: exanimate

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Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
11:45 pm - OOC: Character theme
lyrics hereCollapse )

If anyone can translate those.. I'd be amazed. c.c; n.n;

current mood: amused

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6:45 am - Circles....
Nagi Kirima.

How did you get tied up in so many unexpected threads?

Although.. some of these threads worry me.

Perhaps Scarecrow was right in his decision, though.

I think, perhaps that you are a human.

You have managed to maintain your humanity in the midst of the whirling chaos that is your current environment. This whole town smells like different shades of death, and I see black threads scattered here and there like cobwebs, weaving amongst and through the people.

And you.

You have a black thread diving into your abdomen.

Curled around the knot from... that time.


current mood: calm

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Monday, September 15th, 2003
11:14 am - Civilization?
I feel like I'm in a Sergio Leone movie. The sign at the city limits even had the whole deal with the population getting marked off with paint and redone underneath. I've been on my own all evening, my roommate seems to have been more tired than she was willing to admit to either of us...

And I can't help but wonder what her reaction to the whole situation would have been if she'd been the one to see it first.

She'd probably have just frowned a little and continued on into town.

Glitterdust, huh?

I'll have to see what develops from here.

Boogiepop has never steered me wrong before.

current mood: worried

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6:39 am - Dust to dust...
The dust of this place has begun to amuse me.

I can sense the death that this dust carries on it.

Both old and fresh.

It seems that Nagi Kirima has managed to get herself into a most interesting situation.

It irks me that the old death here has started to interfere with my distance perception. The closer I get to where I beleive my objective is, the more difficult it becomes to discern detail as my senses become overwhelmed.

This may have an affect later.

...I acquired a new dress a few days ago...

I will admit a certain attachment to the school uniform, but it was no longer fit for public view. Unlike my cloak, it was not quite so.. resistant.. to ordinary wear and tear. I will admit that I feel a certain sadness to be leaving it behind, but what had to be done had to be done.

- B



The uniform doesn't matter.

But I don't know how much more of this place I can take without seeing anyone else.

You can probably stand the the quiet.. it's probably comforting to you.

But I miss the sound of people.

I miss my friends even more.

I'm tired now... you've worn our body out with walking tonight.

Give me a little time to walk on my own tomorrow, just point me in the right direction. We made the decision to do this together.. I know that Nagi doesn't entirely like us.. but I'd rather see a familiar face than be hip deep in strangers. I need it.

...I miss him...

I miss our talks.

- T



current mood: sleepy

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Saturday, September 13th, 2003
1:00 am - What I Know...
I know that normal people don't have the problems that I have...

Well.. I don't really think of her as a problem.

She is me. And I am her.

More or less.

We both live in this body, really, and she deserves it as much as I do.

I don't think that I'm really the original person in this head anymore.

I don't think either of us are.

Maybe the real Toka Miyashita died there. In front of that hospital.

Alongside Scarecrow.

And all that's left now is the girl who calls herself Toka.. and the girl who others call Boogiepop.

Boogiepop.

Boogieman.

The force that appears in the gloom of night, popping out of nowhere like a soap bubble popping, only to vanish just as suddenly when the job is done. She's not a nice person in the way others would probably call her nice. I know that she's done some pretty terrible things in the past, and killed a lot of monsters that tried to hide behind a human face.

She's killed with our hands.

She's killed to protect me.

I feel so bad for her sometimes...

current mood: thoughtful

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Friday, September 12th, 2003
9:44 pm - Memories...
My earilest memories are of blood.

My earilest memories of 'me' as 'me.'

Not my blood.

Someone else's.

Half blind.

Begging.

'Save her... please...'

I stood there and watched the life leave him, the blue and red threads that strayed back towards the hospital fading away as his soul departed this plane of existance for the next.

I remember feeling a chill.

His cloak was warm.

It still is.

I like to think that he stays with me, even though he has gone to dust, watching over my shoulder and smiling.

Protection.

Guardianship.

Memory.

These are my creed.


current mood: thoughtful

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9:18 pm - OOC: Sleep Survey
Click For ResultsCollapse )

current mood: amused

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